I lay in bed awake, the gears continue to turn in my head! I toss and turn, never finding a position that is quite suitable! Restless, my body aches, my muscles throb from complete fatigue, my hands are blistered and cut, and I want nothing more than to fall asleep! But I am bound in the chains of unforgiving pain, I try to fight it.Yet, I can't. I can't sleep, I cant rest, I can't even think of closing one eye! For every time I try its louder and the pain and agony gets more intense!

Its, like the pounding never stops! It continues on and on and on! I just want it to go away, I want it to be silent! It doesn't stop! I cry out in fits of rage, anger, hatred, disgust, but it continues, the knocking, the pounding, never stops. Why? WHY? WHY? cant it stop, why wont it go away? Why, cant I sleep in peace at night and dream the night away, Why OH lord Why? 

 I find myself, many nights in this state, confused frustrated, angry, feel like I am all alone, and yet the knocking never stops! But instead of "opening the door" I close it tighter and barricade it off! leave me alone is what my body and mind is saying, but my heart is saying open the door! But I shut off the lights and act like no one is home, and yet it continues louder, and the frustration builds, and the pain of the night builds as the darkness creeps over! Finally I jump out of bed and stumble over something to flip on the lights. Even more angry now, 

with

a tongue full of poison taking control, everything in the darkness has been revealed. Every crack, every corner, everything that we thought was hidden. Its all in the light. 

I look at my feet in conviction, and realized what I have stumbled over, my bible, the word, the lamp unto my feet, and the light unto my path! "For this reason I say to you, awake oh sleeper and arise from the dead and Christ will shine on you! For you were formerly Darkness but now you are light in the Lord! 

-ANONYMOUS

I FOUND THIS AND THOUGHT IT TO BE PRETTY INTERESTING, SO I THOUGHT I'D PLACE IT ON MY BLOG, HOPE YOU ENJOY IT AND THAT IS GOT YOU THINK AS IT DID ME!

LOVING THE MADNESS

-BS

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ME!

I decided its time for a change! Since depression has set in from being out of work for over 2 months now, I have found myself sleeping in untill one or two in the afternoon and then filling myself with fastfood! Wow what a toll its taken on me! But hey its a new year and never to late to change! RIGHT! Well here is what I look like now!

I never thought I would let myself get to this point but I have! UGH. What do I do! Well I would like you to meet a friend of mine that said my new years resolution could come true with help from him, and letting myself get a little pep back in my step! His name is Richard! YES YOU GUESSED IT RICHARD! THE ONE AND ONLY! He is going to help me out so much and he said if I

really try, I mean really try I may be able to even look like he did at my age! When he told me that I was shocked, I through away that double stuffed borrito I was eating and I went to work! Im going to look like richard did! Now what do you think about that! I am one sexy machin! Ok, OK OK OK, enough is enough, just have a happy new year and dont let yourself look like the first picture! hahahahah

Loving The MADnesS

-BS